Zeno of Citium, founder of the Stoic school of philosophy, established one of the main tenets of Stoicism: to be invulnerable, one must practice vulnerability every day. This paradoxical idea works not only in theoretical philosophy, but also in practice. For example, the Pontic king Mithridates made and took small doses of poison from childhood, and on his deathbed, he was invulnerable to it.
Muscles grow through constant small tears during training, and this physical process can be an excellent metaphor for our personal growth. Let’s explore the connection between taking poisons and “pumping up” our emotional well-being, strong nerves, and close relationships.
Everything that doesn’t kill us
Mark Manson, an American author and coach, explains the logic of vulnerability as follows: “The greatest demonstration of strength and security is to actually make yourself vulnerable.” Thus, vulnerability is a conscious choice not to hide your emotions or desires, calmly accepting your weaknesses and imperfections. A vulnerable person is not someone who is easily hurt, but someone who freely expresses their pain when they are hurt, thereby openly revealing themselves. And this, as we know, is the behavior of a strong and confident person — as the Stoics said, “invulnerable.”
“The best people on Earth are able to feel beauty, have the courage to take risks, and the strength to speak the truth. And it is these positive qualities that make them very vulnerable.”
Ernest Hemingway
In 2012, Professor Nassim Taleb, a great admirer of the Stoic school, introduced the concept of anti-fragility into global discourse, which gradually began to be used in the context of self-awareness and psychotherapy. This concept suggests that “anti-fragile, having gone through trials, becomes better than before,” i.e., a certain amount of risk is beneficial to anti-fragile systems (which include humans). Once we have had chickenpox, we will not get it again. Vulnerability also strengthens us in the same way: when a person expresses their desires and boundaries and asks questions, they take a small risk, overcoming their fear of being rejected or misunderstood.
Paradoxically, a student who is not afraid to admit their ignorance and asks the teacher questions benefits in the long run because they have the opportunity to get answers and fill in the gaps. It is useful to be such a “student” in adult life, at work, and in relationships because vulnerability has many advantages.
Strong character
After many years of researching vulnerability and shame, professor and lecturer Brené Brown came to the conclusion that vulnerability is nothing more than a measure of a person’s courage. ” Speaking honestly, expressing everything that is on your mind — that is courage in the truest sense of the word,“ she writes. And considering that the word ‘courage’ comes from the Latin cor, meaning ”heart,” it is not surprising that the ability to act from the heart is an indicator of a strong character.
Strong relationships
Admitting your guilt, being the first to express your feelings, talking about hurt feelings — these are just a few examples of showing vulnerability in a relationship. “Vulnerability is when a person willingly takes a risk to better reveal their emotions,” explains Shari Fuse, a family therapist. “If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, you can’t expect your partner to understand what you need and what you want from them.”
“To love someone is to give that person the power to break your heart and trust that they won’t.”
Julianne Moore
Whether it’s friendship, family ties, work, or romantic interest, vulnerability gives us the courage to be honest with each other and breaks down walls of misunderstanding. It paves the way for genuine human connection — close, safe, and long-lasting.
Self-acceptance
Norwegian philosopher Arne Vetlesen once said that our pain “comes from the inevitable vulnerability that has always been part of human nature, but which we have forgotten how to tolerate — both in ourselves and in others.” She emphasizes that natural vulnerability gives us the freedom to be ourselves, supports our growth, and allows us to demonstrate cognitive flexibility.
This is because when you are vulnerable, you accept yourself with all your flaws. This means you maintain your integrity, becoming a more authentic person and not pretending to be someone you are not. It brings honesty and compassion to everything that is important to you, including your boundaries, values, and expectations, teaches you to talk about them, and cures you of the fear of being rejected or abandoned. The free, vulnerable use of complex emotions advocated by the Stoics, such as shame, guilt, grief, or fear, helps cultivate greater self-confidence.
Personal growth
Personal growth also sometimes requires vulnerability. This is often extremely uncomfortable because it requires rejecting familiar attitudes and acknowledging that you are imperfect. “When we allow ourselves to be imperfect, when we find value in ourselves despite our imperfections… we are capable of much greater change,” emphasizes Brené Brown. As we know, acknowledging a problem is the first step to solving it, and only someone who has accepted their vulnerability can do that.
How to practice vulnerability
Mark Manson emphasizes that it is necessary to reveal vulnerability in order to learn to feel comfortable with one’s emotions and to learn to express oneself without internal self-censorship. Opening up to the world and letting go of the fear of rejection helps build trust and honesty with others, ultimately promoting empathy and strengthening bonds. Being vulnerable isn’t always easy, and it takes conscious effort. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. At times, it can be exhausting. But it’s worth the effort.
