In my work, I often meet people who talk about their love for another person. But I often notice that in reality, they are not talking about love for a person, but about dependence on another person. “I love him/her so much, I can’t live without him/her, we are two halves of one whole,” etc.
It would seem that we are talking about the strong and beautiful feeling of love between two people. But is it love? Or is it dependence? Moreover, some would say that true love manifests itself in one person’s dependence on another. It’s when I breathe them, I live them, there is no life without him/her, and that only such relationships are called love. Let’s figure it out.
It is important to understand that any DEPENDENCY (alcohol, nicotine, drugs, love) deprives a person of FREEDOM. To prove this statement, let us remember that all people are dependent on oxygen. Our dependence on oxygen makes us not free in our desire to be in an environment and place where there is no oxygen (under water, in space, etc.). A small child depends on its parents, and that is why it is not free to make decisions and has no freedom of choice. Dependence on work deprives us of the freedom to use our time as we wish, etc. It turns out that love with dependent manifestations, like any dependence, also deprives us of freedom…
To prove this, let’s first look at the life of a drug addict or alcoholic and how their life is structured. When a chemically dependent person has their favorite substance (drugs, alcohol), they feel good and comfortable, happy and satisfied. But if such a person finds themselves in a situation where, for some reason, they cannot use the substance, they fall into a state called withdrawal syndrome (withdrawal symptoms, hangover). It manifests itself in the form of terrible physical discomfort, emotional decline, depression, apathy, feelings of emptiness, etc. This state arises because they are dependent on the substance.
Now think about and remember a person whom you can say you love. It could be your son, wife, mother, daughter, partner, or father. Personally, when I think about the people I love, I can mention my wife, mother, children, and close relatives. When they are around, I am content, happy, and, of course, very glad, like an addict who is happy to have his favorite substance nearby. The difference is that when I go on a long business trip and cannot be with my loved ones, I do not experience emotional withdrawal. I may miss them, feel sad, and want to see them again, but I don’t get depressed, I don’t feel apathetic, I don’t break down or get high like an addict, i.e., I don’t experience withdrawal symptoms, because there is no dependence in true, genuine love. If, in your thoughts and memories of how you feel when you part with your loved ones, you find that you feel terribly bad and it is very similar to withdrawal, then you are most likely dependent on that person. This phenomenon is also called codependency.
