One of the main questions that concerns long-term couples is how to maintain attraction to each other over the years.
Jordan Gray, a psychologist, sexologist, author of books on relationships, and training facilitator, conducted a survey among couples with varying lengths of time together: from newlyweds to spouses married for over 50 years. The results confirmed that our perception of our partner’s sexual attractiveness changes like the tides.
There are various reasons for this: stress, heavy workload, bad mood, a week-long visit from your partner’s parents… All of these things reduce libido. But even if we exclude everyday factors, the attraction between partners gradually weakens. Why?
It’s time to shake off the cobwebs and understand how to remain attractive to your loved one in a long-term relationship.
- Look in the mirror
Often, a decrease in your partner’s attractiveness signals that something is wrong with your well-being. If you are confident and happy, your partner seems like the sexiest person in the world. And if you are depressed and worried about something, it seems that your partner has lost all their charm.
So, before you blame your partner for your bad mood and coldness, look in the mirror and answer honestly: are you attractive enough and in the mood for love?
- Find a way to miss each other
People have started communicating too much. Anyone we love is always just a message away. But too much communication, even through gadgets, leads to depressing consequences. If you are constantly together, you will not have time to miss each other, and the relationship will turn from pleasure into a duty.
When you are physically close to your loved ones, of course, give them your full attention. But when you part, even if only for a couple of hours, do your own thing.
Stop texting your partner every day. Don’t report on your every move; save some topics for discussion until you meet again. Have a bachelor or bachelorette party, spend the weekend apart, or at least go to the gym alone.
Without a sense of independence and autonomy, it is impossible to experience the joy of seeing each other and think about how much you value every hour spent together.
- Get in the mood for love
Our brain works in a special way. It needs unity of actions, words, and thoughts. Therefore, when you do nothing to strengthen your relationship, your brain builds a logical chain: “Since I’m not doing anything for the relationship, I’m not interested in it.”
But the opposite is also true. If you feel your desire gradually fading, reframe your thoughts as follows: “I’ve put so much effort into our love, so my partner must be worth it!”
There are two ways to make your brain work this way. The first is to change your attitude toward your loved one’s actions, and the second is to continue flirting.
When you look at your life with optimism, your brain learns to perceive all events in a positive light. The consistent effect of positive assessments and gratitude for everything you have influences your assessment of your own life. The same can be said about your relationship. Think about how every action of your partner is dictated by the best of intentions.
- Think about what you could lose
Everything in our lives comes to an end sooner or later. People are mortal. Your relationship will inevitably end.
But there is good news.
How would you look at your partner during your last meeting? What would you do if you knew it was your last weekend together? Would you talk about love more often? Would you be gentler, kinder, and more honest with your loved one?
Remind yourself from time to time that everything ends. This will help you show your best side and be the perfect partner.
By the way, when you realize that everything passes, it is much easier to think about the beautiful dimples on your beloved’s lower back than about the fact that she has gained weight. Focus on what you love about your partner. The choice is always yours, and it is easier and more enjoyable than it seems.
- Direct all your sexual energy towards your partner
Imagine that sexual energy flows through your body like water, and you can control the flow. The more energy you direct toward your loved one, the easier it becomes to repeat. Just as a riverbed becomes deeper during flood season, it will become easier for you to love your partner. Remember what was said about how the brain works: your thoughts and actions will become one.
Do you want to keep the passion alive? It all depends on your decision. Love, like happiness, is the result of your choices and the workings of your mind. Admire your partner as you did on your first date. And filter out anything that might annoy you. Look at your loved one through rose-colored glasses, not a magnifying glass.
